Some Annoying Phrases Can Be Psychologically Healthy

I just read an interesting post about the Top 10 Annoying Phrases at http://www.asylum.com/2009/11/18/10-annoying-phrases-that-serve-no-purpose?icid=main|htmlws-sb-n|dl5|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.asylum.com%2F2009%2F11%2F18%2F10-annoying-phrases-that-serve-no-purpose.

I do agree that most or all of these phrases, along with some of the ones added in the comments section, can be annoying to the listener.  So, the message here is, don't use your out-loud voice for them!

However, said to oneself, a couple of these can serve a purpose.  For instance, the offender, "Whatever."  This can be a way of distancing yourself from something potentially upsetting so that you can refocus and move on. 

Another personally helpful one is, "It is what it is." (Not to be confused with the famous quote, "It depends on what is is.") In my book, "This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me," I delineate ten critical choices, and the very first one is the choice between denial and reality.  "It is what it is" is the first step toward coming to terms with the facts of a situation (not what you think they should be).  That's the first step of problem-solving.   

Let's talk about "Everything happens for a reason." I have observed that some find this philosophy helpful in coping with something themselves.  However, I do not believe that, on balance, it's the best thing to say to yourself.  Otherwise, you're searching for some cosmic reason that something happened rather than searching for how you will BRING SOMETHING GOOD out of it - even though it was a terrible event.  And please, please, please do not say this phrase to someone who has just undergone a tragedy.  It's not just annoying - it's hurtful.

What do you think about the 10 phrases?

Would you add your own "most annoying" to this list?

Let me hear from you.

Dr. Bev Smallwood, Psychologist; Author, This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me:  10 Make-or-Break Choices When Life Steals Your Dreams and Rocks Your World; Show Host, The Magnetic Workplaces Show, at The Women's Information Network, thewinonline.com.

Comments

[Tom McWilliams]

My pet peeve phrase is
"Not a problem" which is offered by too many people working in the service industry. Where were this folks trained. My preferred response is "My pleasure"

[Rebecca Taylor]

"I know just how you feel," which is usually spoken by someone who has absolutely no idea how I or anyone else might feel.

[Dr. Bev Smallwood]

Interesting point,
Tom. The more positive way of saying it is certainly better. "Not a problem" is a verbal habit I've had.

Boy, Rebecca, I get that one. When I interviewed trauma survivors for my book and asked them the question, "What did people say or do after your trauma that was least helpful," that statement was number one. It's beyond annoying; it's downright offensive when you're in pain.
Dr. Bev Smallwood